


Precious Moments

by ferowyn



Series: Hobbit Kink [6]
Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Durincest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 04:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferowyn/pseuds/ferowyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili, Kili and Thorin survive the Battle of Five Armies, but Kili is awfully injured</p>
            </blockquote>





	Precious Moments

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Hobbit Kink Meme Prompt:  
> http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/1990.html?thread=1779910#t1939910
> 
> Please excuse any mistakes, English is not my mother tongue

# Precious Moments

When he sees his brother – pale and unconscious and covered in so much blood – Fili forgets to breathe. Despite their frantic attempts to stay together they had been separated at some point during the Battle of Five Armies and he had lost sight of Kili. He himself had managed to stay with Thorin all the time, protecting his uncle and king, but his younger brother had been forced back and had blended in with the crowd of bodies and soon Fili had no longer been able to make him out. He had been beside himself with worry ever since and had kept looking for his brother, desperately hoping that Kili was looking for him, too, and they were simply missing each other.

Now, however, he knows that his brother had not been looking for him, for Kili is unconscious and his for a dwarf fragile body is full of blood. Some of the elvish healers come, offering to try and save the King under the Mountain’s nephew. Fili helps them undress his brother and wash him and only then he sees the extent of the injuries Kili has suffered. He is cluttered with wounds, most of them scabbed but a few still bleeding.

Fili sees the slashes that blades have cut and injuries that spring from lances and arrows. There are tears in his eyes and he never lets go of Kili’s hand, not even once, while the healers try their best to stop the bleeding and stitch up his wounds. They know that saving the king’s nephew would be the best way to raise their reputations, but finally, one after another, they all have to admit defeat.  
And the blond dwarf watches them leave disbelievingly, and he wishes desperately that refusing to listen would change anything about the cruel truth in the last elf’s words.  
“There is nothing we can do”, he says and the frustration in his voice is unmistakable. “We were able to stop the bleeding from the superficial wounds, but we cannot heal his internal injuries. He will bleed to death. My deepest condolences.”

Fili’s voice is hoarse. “H-how long does he have left?”

“Not more than a week.” The elf bows and leaves with that, and Fili breaks down.  
Then there is a hand on his back and when he turns he sees his uncle, whose cheeks are also wet with tears. They sit in silence, watching over Kili’s now medicine-induced sleep, and there is an emptiness in Fili’s heart, a pain that aches more than any physical pain in the world could.

 

When the effect of the medicine wears off Kili starts to stir and when he slowly opens his eyes the pain is clearly visible in them. Fili is still clinging to his hand and his brother smiles weakly, trying to squeeze it.  
“Shh”, Fili whispers “don’t strain yourself.” Kili’s eyes widen when he realizes what that means along with the despair on the older one’s features, but he forces another smile.

“We won?” His voice is hoarse and faint and Fili nods with tears in his eyes. “But we paid a high price”, he answers.

Despite his weakness Kili squeezes his brother’s hand this time. “We knew that this could happen when we left Ered Luin.”

“Yes, but… I never thought that one of us could die and the other… not. I thought if we died we would die together, side by side!” He gulps back tears. “I can’t live without you, Kili!”

The younger dwarf’s gaze is stern. “Sure you can! You have to think of it that way: I will die so that you can live. Because I would make that choice immediately if I had the chance, if it would spare your life I would give mine without hesitating. Well, looks like this is going to happen anyway… You don’t want my sacrifice to be in vain, do you?”

“Of course not”, Fili whispers and forces a smile. If Kili can smile then surely he can do it, too.

 

Fili never leaves his brother’s side, not once. He stays with Kili day and night, holds his hand and savours all those precious moments. His brother is so young! He had thought they would have so much time to do all those things they had wanted to do together, that they would have time to say all these things he wanted to share with his brother, but now it is running through his fingers like sand and he cannot grasp all the moments that are already gone.

Very often Kili is asleep, getting weaker every day, and between all the visits of dwarves and elves, who want to offer their condolences, and his uncle’s presence (he spends almost as much time with his dying nephew as Fili does, despite the fact that he should help to rebuild his kingdom) there are only very few moments they can spent alone with his brother awake.

Once it is in the dead of night and Kili cannot sleep because of the pain and Fili knows that this is probably his only opportunity to talk to the younger one. “Kiss me”, Kili whispers and Fili kisses him like he has never kissed him before – tentatively and softly and passionately and so wonderfully bittersweetly all at once – and he tries to kiss away the pain and the injuries and the fear, but of course it does not work. After what seems to have been years and only a few moments at the same time he breaks away from Kili and looks at him until Kili looks back with hooded eyes. “I love you”, he murmurs, finally saying what he has never dared to tell the younger one because despite everything they are still _brothers_ and not supposed to be with each other.

Kili smiles a beautiful, sad smile. “I love you, too.” Then he falls asleep once again and Fili spends the rest of the night tracing his brother’s features with his fingertips, trying to memorise every line, every scar, every birthmark and every one of the short, black beard stubbles. Maybe he will be able to hold onto this for some time once Kili is gone.

 

The other members of the company come, every single one of them. They bid their farewells and they try to talk Fili into leaving his brother’s bedside for a few hours, to go to sleep and rest.

Fili refuses. “What if he dies when I’m not here?” he says, and “I could not sleep anyway.” Finally the others give in and they spend an almost happy afternoon sitting around Kili’s bed, joking, eating and telling stories. But in the end they have to leave, one by one.

“My wife is waiting for me”, Gloin says. He pats Kili’s shoulder lightly, not wanting to cause him any more pain, and goes.  
Oin and Dori are next and their voices are muffled when they say goodbye.  
Then Dwalin leaves, and Bifur, and Gandalf.  
Bombur and Nori and Bofur try to gulp back their tears and Bilbo and Ori are crying openly.

In the end only Balin and Thorin are left. There is a sadness in Balin’s eyes Fili has never seen there before, but it is nothing compared to the emptiness in his own heart.  
“Talk to them”, Balin says, before he, too, goes. Thorin nods and when the old dwarf has left the room, closing the door behind him, he gives Fili a serious look.

“Are you still strong enough for a conversion, Kili?” he asks and the youngest one nods slowly. Fili wants to protest, but his uncle gives him that look again, and he knows – whatever it is, they need to talk about it. Even if it costs a few hours of Kili’s life.  
Thorin gulps heavily, and when he starts to talk his voice is hoarse. “Believe me, I do not want to discuss this now, either, but we have to. You are my nephews, my sister-sons – my heirs. But now, that Kili is dying” his voice breaks “there is only you left, Fili. Since you are the older one you were prepared for this anyway, and I _know_ you don’t want to think about this now, but you have to. You will be King under the Mountain one day and I need you to help me. I cannot do this alone, Fili, and I feel terrible for troubling you even more, _but I need you_. Will you be there?” _once your brother has left this world_? He does not have to say it aloud.

Fili wants to say no, he knows that his uncle is right, but the emptiness in his heart is slowly growing with every bit of light that leaves Kili’s eyes and he doubts that he will be of any help _once his brother has left this world_.  
“Of course he will”, he hears Kili answer before he can say anything himself. “You will be a great king, Fili. King under the mountain.” He smiles and there is nothing Fili can do but nod and smile back at him until the younger one drifts back to sleep.

 

Fili knows it. He knows that today is the day, he can see it in Kili’s eyes and in the deathly pallor in his once so beautifully red cheeks and he can hear it in his brother’s heavy, pained breathing. He sends for his uncle and he talks, talks until his voice is hoarse, but there is still so much he wants to say.  
Then Kili starts to cough, heavily and painfully, and afterwards the blanket is speckled with blood.

Fili feels like he is running to keep up with his brother, running as fast as he can, but Kili is slipping away before his very eyes.  
“Fili?” Kili whispers weakly. “Promise me something?”

“Everything!” Fili cries.

“Don’t let yourself go. Live on, be happy. I’ll be waiting for you.”

And Fili, desperate as he is, promises it.  
Kili smiles sadly. “Until we meet again”, he breathes.

“Yes”, Fili answers, his voice heavy with tears “Until we meet again” and then he watches the life run out of Kili’s eyes. He leans forward and kisses his brother’s lips one last time. They are still warm.

Thorin closes Kili’s eyes and for a second Fili can believe he is only asleep, but his breast is not rising and falling. He is crying and only when his fingers have gone cold Fili is able to let go of his hand.

 

Erebor is gorgeous, but he cannot see it. He keeps expecting that his brother will be running into his room, a joke on his lips and beautifully alive.  
His uncle is still waiting for him, waiting for his help, but he cannot do what is asked of him. The emptiness has consumed him, it is everywhere. A part of him is missing, a part that is as vital as his heart.

It is hard to break the promise, but once he has made the decision everything is simple again. He gets hold of the poison almost too easily and when he finally has it he is not about to waste any more time.  
“Your sacrifice was not in vain, Kili”, he whispers. “You died for Erebor and for uncle, but you did not die for me because this – this is not the life you could have wanted me to live, painful and empty. Not once have I broken a promise I made to you, but I cannot keep this one. Please forgive me… I’ll see you soon.” He downs the shimmering liquid in one go and lies down. It is an elvish brew and it immediately kicks in.

Dying is easy, like going to sleep, and he closes his eyes at ease, for he knows that when he opens them again he will be back with Kili.

 

He had feared that this would happen, but that does not make it any easier when they tell him that they have found his nephew. Fili and Kili had always been exceptionally close, neither of them going anywhere without their brother.

He cries when he carries them to their grave. Even in death he cannot separate them and they are buried embracing each other forever in the depths of Erebor.  
When he turns his back to the tomb there are no more tears in his eyes, for he is the king and he cannot wallow in grief.


End file.
